Hold Back

My fears want to hold me back.  My anxiety wants to hold me back.  My mind wants to hold me back.  I want to give in.  I want to let up.  I want to be normal.  But I can’t.  And I won’t.  I have to keep going.  I have to press on.  I have to live each day fully.  I have to be a good steward of what has been given to me.  I have to be an example, one to follow.  A leader.  A role model.  I have to test myself.  Challenge myself.  Allow myself to experience uncomfortable.  I have to overcome.  Overcome the fears, the anxiety, the wandering mind.  I have to overcome the pull to be satisfied, content, and complacent.  I have to encourage and teach others.  I have to practice what I preach.

It’s not about me

It’s not about me.  Not even a little bit.  I wasn’t put on this earth to serve myself.  I wasn’t put on this earth to create a better life for me.  Yes, I firmly believe it is crucial we take care of ourselves, our mind, our body, and our spirit.  This will only allow us to serve others in a greater capacity.  But at the end of the day, your life isn’t about you.  This life isn’t about you.  This world doesn’t revolve around you, sorry.  Honestly, there are very few people who actually care one iota about you.  There are very few people in this world who know your name, who know your interests, who know ANYTHING about you.  In the grand scheme of things, you are nothing.  So why do you think you are something?  Why are you so caught up in yourself?  Why are you so arrogant?  Selfish?  Self-centered?  Your life is but a vapor, here today, gone tomorrow.  That is truth.  This is reality.  This life is NOT about you.  This life is about others.  Your life should be about others.  We were made for community.  We were created for others.  To serve others.  To help others.  To protect others.  To love others.  As human beings, we need each other.  We need interaction, communication, fellowship with one another.  Get over yourself.  Get rid of yourself.  Let go of your arrogance.  Let go of your pride.  Let go of your ignorance.  Humble yourself.  Open up yours eyes, open up your ears, open up your heart, that you may learn, grow, mature, share, teach, and serve others.  Step into your purpose.  Step into your destiny.  Become the individual you were created to become.


I want to have a youth camp.  A camp for troubled youth.  A camp focused on physical training.  A camp focused on leadership.  A camp that focuses on discipline, hard work, and humility.  I want to bring in men who are living examples.  Men who have done, and continue to do hard things, difficult things.  Men who walk their talk.  Real men.  Genuine.  Authentic.  Self-less.  Life long learners.  Through these camps I want to create a culture, a team, a tribe for these troubled youth to be a part of.  I want these youth to be able to connect with the men beyond the camp.  I want to foster mentorship.  Accountability.  Continued learning, growing, exploring, and maturing.  I want this camp to be a turning point.  A turning point in the lives of the youth who come, participate, connect, and finish.  I want this camp to inspire.  Encourage.  Stoke the fire within.  I want this camp to be the beginning of endless opportunity for these youth.  I want this camp to be a step in a new direction.  The right direction.  A step down the road, the trail, the path less-traveled.


Why do you want to try to be like someone else?  I found myself often in my youth trying to be like someone else.  I would try to dress, talk, and act like other people.  For one reason or another, I would want to be someone different from who I was.  I attribute a lot of this to the ignorance of my youth.  As young people, we are so impressionable, we are so influenced by those around us, by our peers, teachers, coaches, actors, professional athletes, etc.  We soak in so much of our surroundings.  As youth, we are trying to find our identity.  Trying to figure out where we belong, who we are, how the world works.  I get that.  But what about now?  What about today?  As adults, why so often, do we try to be someone we are not?  Why are we still trying to be like other people?  Why are we not comfortable being who we are?  Why are we not comfortable, confident, in our uniqueness, our beauty, our individuality, our strengths, our weaknesses?  Why do we try to hide ourselves?  Why do we try to ignore who we are, cover up who we are, pretend we are something or someone else?  I see adults constantly putting on a front.  They are hiding behind someone else.  They try to talk like someone else.  They try to act like someone else.  They are simply, not themselves.  To be frank, it’s weird.  It’s awkward.  And honestly, it’s sad.  Adults trying to be another adult.  Adults so insecure in themselves, they hide themselves behind another flawed adult.  We have to realize all of us are flawed.  We all have issues.  We all have problems.  I don’t care who you are, where you live, what your profession is, how much money is in your bank account, what type of degrees you have, so on and so forth, at the end of the day, all humans are one in the same.  We came from the dust, and we will return to the dust.  On a human level, no one is above anyone else.  So, why hide?  Why hide behind another flawed, messed up, imperfect human being?  Why hide who you are and what you have to offer the world?  Just like everyone else, you have gifts, talents, abilities, and a voice.  You count.  You are a part of the game of life, just as much as anyone else.  You matter.  You are important.  What you have to offer, is important, it is valuable.  We need you to be you.  We need you to be who God created you to be.  There is only one of you.  Just as there is only one of me.  If we hide behind someone else, we are wasting our lives, we are wasting our opportunities.  The world doesn’t need a copy of someone else, the world needs you, the world needs me.  Just as we are.  Flaws and all.


I have to get better.  I absolutely have to get better.  I realize my insufficiency.  I realize my weakness.  I realize that I am but a mere created being.  Here today, gone tomorrow.  My life is a gift.  I do not have it all together.  I do not have it all figured out.  There is a drive within me to get better.  To be better.  To do everything I can each day, to be the best version of myself.  I so want to be an example.  I so want to be a strong leader.  Someone to follow.  I have to get better.  There are areas within my life that I can improve.  Areas that need to improve.  I cannot allow myself to let up, to settle, to allow complacency to take root.  Complacency destroys.  Complacency kills.  I cannot allow myself to get distracted.  I cannot allow myself to lose focus.  I cannot allow myself to give into worry, fear, doubt, or negativity.  I have to press into discipline.  Self-discipline.  I have to press into the pursuit of the uncomfortable.  I have to press into my Creator.  The little things.  I have to continue to do the little things.  Master the little things.  When I don’t feel like it.  I have to overcome my feelings, my emotions, my own negativity.  I have to overcome the negativity that surrounds me.  The negativity produced by the people who come in and out of my life.  I have to overcome the pull to get sucked in.  Sucked into gossip, backbiting, anger, instant gratification, and self-indulgence.  Every day is an opportunity to learn.  Every day is an opportunity to be the man or woman you want to be.  Every day is an opportunity to get better.  I want to get better.  I have to get better.  I embrace the toil of this process, the process of getting better.  I embrace today.


Who do I want to be?  Who do I want to become?  What do I want to be remembered for?  What defines my life?  Questions to ask.  Questions to ponder.  Questions to answer.  Today is my day.  My day to decide who I want to be.  My day to decide who I want to become.  My day to create memories for others.  My day to define my life.  But what if I don’t know?  What if I can’t answer these questions?  What if so much of my life is unclear to me?  Cloudy?  Uncertain?  Continue on.  Continue your walk.  Continue your journey.  As we continue to walk, things happen.  Life unfolds.  Questions get answered.  Be persistent.  Be consistent.  Block out the discouragement.  Block out the doubt.  Block out the negativity from others.  Block out the distractions.  Block out the inner voice that provides you with the excuses.  Block out the anxiety.  Block out the pull to remain in comfort.  Walk.  Walk on.  Walk forward.  Deep within, you know.  Sometimes, what you know, deep within, takes time to manifest.  Walk.  You will become who you want to become.  Continue to participate in life.  Continue to attack life.  Continue to do the little things.  Continue to learn.  Continue to be humble.  Continue to adjust.  Continue to be patient.  Continue to be thankful.  You are growing.  You are maturing.  Everything happens for a reason.  Be a reason.  Be the reason.


If you are not where you want to be, take a step in the direction you want to go.  Today.  Right now.  Your situation in life,  your position in life, where you are right now, will not change on its own.  You have to take action.  You have to want the change within your life.  Then, you have to take a step.  One step, that’s it.  One step in the new direction you want to go, the new direction you want to take your life.  No one is going to come along and change your direction for you.  Some magical circumstance isn’t just going to present itself to you.  There is no easy button in life, no escape button.  If you are not where you want to be, YOU have to take a step.  YOU have to take action.  YOU have to put in the work, the effort, and the persistence.  You are where you are today, because of you.  That’s it.  You dug the hole, you fell in, now you have to climb your way out.  It will take time, it will take focus, discipline, perseverance, but, if you continue to step in your new direction, things will happen.  The process will unfold accordingly.  Don’t get caught up in your feelings, your emotions, what those around you are doing, but simply run your race.  Walk down the path you are supposed to walk down.  One step.  One step.  One step.  Things will change.  Eventually, you will change, circumstances will change, and opportunities will present themselves, that you never thought possible, opportunities that you never dreamt of.  Prepare.  Each day.  Do what you know you are supposed to do.  Preparation creates opportunity.  Preparation creates success.  If you are not where you want to be, you have the opportunity RIGHT NOW, to change.